An exquisite milk glass sheep figurine!

I’ve recently stumbled upon a hilarious discovery: I have no skills whatsoever. Neither skills that thrill nor skills that fulfill nor any facility with belt sanders, glue-guns, decoupage, or power drills. Verily do I lack even the skills to pay the bills, and while I’m getting much better at thanking my charming and successful wife for her veritable bucketful of lucrative talent, flattery can only take me so far.

I’m so-so at allowing my mouth to write checks that my ass cannot cash, however, and in that spirit I jumped headlong into a month-long conversation between said wife and said wife’s splendid cousin, Elaine. These two, it seems, are not content to succeed merely within their own respective skillsets, and have decided to branch out into the world of e-commerce. “Well shit,” said I, still licking the wounds of my most recent failed attempt at gainful employment, “maybe I can help on this end.” After all, I farted around with computers for a while, and thought that maybe a li’l blog hither and some AppleScript work yon could boost my ego to a level which at least might encourage me to leave the house every now and again.

Failing that, at least I might get out of my pajamas once or twice a week.

So far I’m doing more harm than good, both to myself and to the store. Owing to a general incompetence combined with an experimental courtship me and my shrink are having with various pharmaceutical cocktails (apparently, sleepless periods of hyper-quixotic planning followed by days and days wherein I leave the bed only to pee and fix a little Ramen do not average out into what the psychiatric community refer to as “stabilized”), I’ve dropped every ball tossed in my general direction. I managed to purchase a few domain names we don’t need and thus double pay for those we might use in the future, I’ve broken an exquisite milk glass sheep figurine, and I’ve delayed the creation and sale of all sorts of clever WorstShop items because of some “big ideas” that’d speed up the process while at the same time making the process easier.

And this thing here, this blog: haHA! The first three attempts to customize a blog were spectacular abortions, and while I support the right to choose, I never expected to find myself in the stirrups so frequently.

And see, that there’s another misstep, right there: Bro, do you really wanna inaugurate this blog with a tin-eared abortion joke which has, as its “punchline” (is it really a punchline if there’s no humor there?) the misappropriation of a traditionally gender-specific experience?

Fuck it. I’ve already insinuated myself into the process, so I might as well proceed heedlessly and heedlessly.

So.

I hereby state my intention to post to this here blog with some frequency, to use the word “insinuate” questionably, and to help Billie and Elaine until they cannot take any more help.